So i thought i was not going to end feeling like I was hit by a mac-truck, or the wind was knocked out from me... but i do... over the past 24-48 hours my emotions went from content, to worry, to anger, and then to sadness before settling on abandonment. (I know, I know ima dude and we are not supposed to feel like that!), but damnit i do! I mean I truly gave up my time, emotions, affection, and my heart and only for us to end up like this! But i truly understand now so things aren't for me to know or understand... GOD has a bigger clearer picture ahead of us. It sucks that i can't see it the way HE does but he has my interest at heart. Never the less, this isn't gonna be a rant session, I'm not gonna place blame, or even continue to ask why.
So im supposed to be working last night and i was but i couldn't do my job effectively, I managed to spill milk, soda, hot coffee, and water on people, myself, and coworkers. I hate the fact that i still feel like this, like im one of these broads sitting around listening to sad Mary J.Blige or Toni Braxton songs? Yeah ordinarily im able to walk away emotionally unscared but yeah know i feel as if they are laughing at me. In time this void that now lives in me will straighten itself out but one thing is for certain i cant say that i will ever be able to allow myself to open up that wide to a person again!!!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
What else can i say?
Directions: First follow the link(copy and paste... sorry youtube wont let me embed) and watch and LISTEN to the accompany video then read the entry, that simple!!!
Ya know for us to be only in this for what 5 months why does it feel like its been years? Yo off the bat: PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME: JUST BECAUSE I’M UPSET WIT A SITUATION DOES NOT MEAN I DON’T LOVE YOU OR TRUST YOU!!!!! IT JUST MEANS I MAY NEED CLARIFICATION! (WE’LL GET TO THAT If YOU CHOOSE TO COME HOME AND TALK)
I was really trying to understand just where I am emotionally with you and judging by the fact that I was able to accept you WHOLE and not broken I am quite sure yes I am in love with you. I coulda dip, but I chose to be a man and make this work. It’s like you always say had I not care and I reacted like “Oh he’s decided to disappear….yeah watever,” then yeah start worrying! But that’s just it I think I know what the main issue is wrong with us at least what I believe it is! I’m in love with you and your still like ok I like you a lot. Because we’re on two different levels of understanding that we misunderstand or don’t quite comprehend what the other is saying. Baby GOD is key our foundation or bedrock, but we must also put in our physical work and communicate effectively. This means not storming off and being unreceptive to another person’s point of view. As I said early in our frentic exchange of yahoos, I never insinuated or suggested that you were cheating on me. Again I did suggest that you were lying to me or it appear to me that you are (Again we will address this when you and if you decide you want to talk!)
Next thing I’m a lil stunned that you thought I was attacking you shorty. (yes I’m trying to see this from your perspective). I feel like you blew up at me and I simply tryna get clarification (In all thy getting get understanding), not passing judgment. Heyal when I decided you were what I wanted I decided to take on all YOUR insecurities, let downs, mood swings, low points, joys, success, heartbreaks, fears, and short-commings. Again if I’m way to much for you to have on your plate yo I wont be mad if you decide to walk away! I don’t want you to leave but I’m not going to beg you to stay either.(as nice as it may sound). On the contrary if you feel like this is what you want and you think I can be your helpmate then ima need your patience to get long! This relationship thing ain’t easy! My grandparents were married 55 years before my grandmother passed. What I learned from them and their marriage is that nothing comes easily and anything that comes easily is not worth having. I got friends who have ridiculed, some laughed, and one completely wiped their of me because of my relationship wit you! But *touch ya shoulda and say, “BUT,” this is our relationship, not Ivan’s, Marlon’s, Twin’s, X’s, D’mitri’s, or TJ’s. ME and you made a step out on faith and monogamy that it would be us against the world! I will admit for us to take the easy way out and say to heyal wit it WILL BE A GREAT TRAGEDY for relationships because we couldn’t endure long enough or have enough discipline to stay committed? So again the ball is in your court,
“CHECK,” passes imaginary ball to you. What you gonna do drive the lane for a lay up or windmill dunk? Try for a tres from dowtown? Turn it over? Again I told you once and ima say it again I AINT GOING ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON..(LORD PERMITTING) If you haven’t gotten that yet, last night should be a awesome reminder! I would hope you would take care of me as well in my time of lack of coherentness. (I know that aint a word. LOL) You know doing this was almost theraputic and I’m smiling thinking about us acting a fool bout chuuch, you and that dayum Mona and “Owlin,” or you tryna call upon the forces of twitter to give you wings of words to construct a thought .LOL (okay reaching wit that last one),
I LOVE YOU!! (Not in the sense of how the world loves but how GOD would want me to love you!)
Afterthoughts: I know im a difficult dude to deal with I thank you for putting up with me thus far and that if you get nothing else out of this experience you at least learn to open your heart UNCONDITIONALLY and be unafraid and daring enough to love some as GOD would have luved you…Do what GOD whould have you to do!!!
Deuces!
Ya know for us to be only in this for what 5 months why does it feel like its been years? Yo off the bat: PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME: JUST BECAUSE I’M UPSET WIT A SITUATION DOES NOT MEAN I DON’T LOVE YOU OR TRUST YOU!!!!! IT JUST MEANS I MAY NEED CLARIFICATION! (WE’LL GET TO THAT If YOU CHOOSE TO COME HOME AND TALK)
I was really trying to understand just where I am emotionally with you and judging by the fact that I was able to accept you WHOLE and not broken I am quite sure yes I am in love with you. I coulda dip, but I chose to be a man and make this work. It’s like you always say had I not care and I reacted like “Oh he’s decided to disappear….yeah watever,” then yeah start worrying! But that’s just it I think I know what the main issue is wrong with us at least what I believe it is! I’m in love with you and your still like ok I like you a lot. Because we’re on two different levels of understanding that we misunderstand or don’t quite comprehend what the other is saying. Baby GOD is key our foundation or bedrock, but we must also put in our physical work and communicate effectively. This means not storming off and being unreceptive to another person’s point of view. As I said early in our frentic exchange of yahoos, I never insinuated or suggested that you were cheating on me. Again I did suggest that you were lying to me or it appear to me that you are (Again we will address this when you and if you decide you want to talk!)
Next thing I’m a lil stunned that you thought I was attacking you shorty. (yes I’m trying to see this from your perspective). I feel like you blew up at me and I simply tryna get clarification (In all thy getting get understanding), not passing judgment. Heyal when I decided you were what I wanted I decided to take on all YOUR insecurities, let downs, mood swings, low points, joys, success, heartbreaks, fears, and short-commings. Again if I’m way to much for you to have on your plate yo I wont be mad if you decide to walk away! I don’t want you to leave but I’m not going to beg you to stay either.(as nice as it may sound). On the contrary if you feel like this is what you want and you think I can be your helpmate then ima need your patience to get long! This relationship thing ain’t easy! My grandparents were married 55 years before my grandmother passed. What I learned from them and their marriage is that nothing comes easily and anything that comes easily is not worth having. I got friends who have ridiculed, some laughed, and one completely wiped their of me because of my relationship wit you! But *touch ya shoulda and say, “BUT,” this is our relationship, not Ivan’s, Marlon’s, Twin’s, X’s, D’mitri’s, or TJ’s. ME and you made a step out on faith and monogamy that it would be us against the world! I will admit for us to take the easy way out and say to heyal wit it WILL BE A GREAT TRAGEDY for relationships because we couldn’t endure long enough or have enough discipline to stay committed? So again the ball is in your court,
“CHECK,” passes imaginary ball to you. What you gonna do drive the lane for a lay up or windmill dunk? Try for a tres from dowtown? Turn it over? Again I told you once and ima say it again I AINT GOING ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON..(LORD PERMITTING) If you haven’t gotten that yet, last night should be a awesome reminder! I would hope you would take care of me as well in my time of lack of coherentness. (I know that aint a word. LOL) You know doing this was almost theraputic and I’m smiling thinking about us acting a fool bout chuuch, you and that dayum Mona and “Owlin,” or you tryna call upon the forces of twitter to give you wings of words to construct a thought .LOL (okay reaching wit that last one),
I LOVE YOU!! (Not in the sense of how the world loves but how GOD would want me to love you!)
Afterthoughts: I know im a difficult dude to deal with I thank you for putting up with me thus far and that if you get nothing else out of this experience you at least learn to open your heart UNCONDITIONALLY and be unafraid and daring enough to love some as GOD would have luved you…Do what GOD whould have you to do!!!
Deuces!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Summer Time Ohh Yess!
So Took my last final on Tuesday, and now waiting to hear from Rutgers University College of Nursing to see if i was accepted into the nursing major!!! (Pray in agreement with me), but knowing school is starting to let out it brings me to one of my favorite times of the year, Summer. It's this season that made me come to like the New York and greater tri-state area...(those that know me up to this point will tell you this area would be the last place on earth i would want to be), never the less I fuxx wit the city because of the summer. It seems like for me when summer comes drama seems to die down. But yeah i luv the heat, the late afternoon thunderstorms that come with it (great sleeping weather)... seeing folk being a lil more friendly, hearing the ice cream trucks wit reggaetone or hip hop blasting from the speakers (hey where im from the ice cream man was hood as heyal..lol), and yes being able to go to the beach and lay out and do absolutely nothing, hitting up the amusement parks and fairs (dayum i miss going to the state fair), eating funnel cake with chocolate sauce, barbeques, and the list continues.... I think this particular summer is gonna bring a lot of promise and maybe just maybe the Jetsetter will be able to become a line holder at the job!!! (will explain in anotha post).
Well bout to go eat oh by the way Big ups to baby brother AJ for about to graduate 4th in his class from high-school and earning a 4 year scholarship to The Ohio State University and to my shorty's BF Twin for graduating with your Masters (see otha Afro-American males obtain degrees of upper higher academia inspires me!)
Until next time Masses... Oh yeah you gotta fellow me on twitter MrHiHaterz
Dos dedos...
Friday, May 1, 2009
My Complimentary Other....
So its been almost a month since my last post Ima need to get better bout blogging.... Lazy tho... but,
So i got a question and please give a bruh some feedback also...
How do you know if the person your dating in the 1? Ight so its a stupid question, but seriously When? How?
I mean the point of dating is to find the individual that you make a substantial connection with and possibly settle down either via marriage or long term relationship. Once your pass the honeymoon stages and you've gifted any & everything imaginable, the poems, dinners, movies, and what have what do you truly have? Is it not the time shared the memories you share that truly bind you together?
So I have been in deep thought about the past couple months that me and my complimentary other have been dating and together. Yeah they are definitly a looker in the physical, but what got me line and sinker was their personality: their outlook on life in general and more importantly their relationship with GOD! ANd dont get me wrong they are not with their own flaws but I'm will and are currently dealing with and learning to accept them! I guess u can say we're both like a jigsaw, they are the complimentary piece to me or at least how it feels to me. I think this song begins to touch the iceberg of how im feeling on the inside...
AY babe thanx for intrducing me to blogging your right this is theraputic...
Until next time two fingers!
So i got a question and please give a bruh some feedback also...
How do you know if the person your dating in the 1? Ight so its a stupid question, but seriously When? How?
I mean the point of dating is to find the individual that you make a substantial connection with and possibly settle down either via marriage or long term relationship. Once your pass the honeymoon stages and you've gifted any & everything imaginable, the poems, dinners, movies, and what have what do you truly have? Is it not the time shared the memories you share that truly bind you together?
So I have been in deep thought about the past couple months that me and my complimentary other have been dating and together. Yeah they are definitly a looker in the physical, but what got me line and sinker was their personality: their outlook on life in general and more importantly their relationship with GOD! ANd dont get me wrong they are not with their own flaws but I'm will and are currently dealing with and learning to accept them! I guess u can say we're both like a jigsaw, they are the complimentary piece to me or at least how it feels to me. I think this song begins to touch the iceberg of how im feeling on the inside...
AY babe thanx for intrducing me to blogging your right this is theraputic...
Until next time two fingers!
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